Today I was at my weekly Beth Moore Bible study watching the video when I got served a heaping amount of conviction.
You see...we were talking about meanness. Specifically about how "It's tough being a woman in a mean world."
I was following right along with her, nodding, and uh huh-ing (in my head of course, I'd be too embarrassed to do it in front of people) when all of a sudden there it was. She was speaking to me. She was standing on that stage yelling "CARRIE FRIDAY ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME???? I AM TALKING TO YOU!!!!" Seriously. It happened (okay maybe just in my head).
She was talking about how meanness perceives a threat and her basis for that claim comes from 2 Corinthians 10:12 which basically says that people who compare themselves to others are not wise. Beth (We are on a first-name basis because in my world, we are BFF--maybe because she's so southern) blatantly told us that you compare yourself to others when there is some kind of threat.
I can honestly say that I have not met many women who have not at some point or another compared themselves to another girl or woman--maybe in middle school or maybe just yesterday--but it happened. I'd like to think that I come off as a secure, happy person who is relatively pleased with herself. And 60% of the time I am. Until I see (or see a picture) of my wonderful sister-in-law who is a size two after not one, but TWO children...or when I see my friends getting smaller and me...not so much. Or EVEN when I see Beth Moore on that screen in all her beauty and awesome clothes. I compare myself with them. I make mental notes of how Rachel's body looks just right and looks like a 25-year-old's who hasn't had kids...whereas mine looks like a young person's body...who has had like 23 kids--except I've only had one. I compare myself to Beth Moore when I see how amazing her clothes are and then think about each morning when I get out clothes to wear how I HATE everything I have.
What is the threat with Rachel? I don't know. Maybe because people see us and see she has two kids and I only have one. Maybe because people know what we "used" to look like and she still looks the same but I don't. Maybe it's because I'm jealous she looks amazing and doesn't have to "tuck" parts of herself into her clothing. ***On a side note: Rachel works hard (running) to maintain that awesomeness and I don't.
What is the threat with Beth Moore? I guess I'm just jealous she has such awesome clothes.
What does all this have to do with mean girls? When I'm jealous of someone else I get a smidge of meanness in my heart. I do. I won't lie.
After I was convicted about that...she hit me with another one. She was talking about how coming in contact with a mean girl raises up your own mean girl--AMEN. When someone is ugly to me, I want to retaliate. Or at least talk about them in a real ugly manner to someone else.
Beth said that mean girls dig at other girls and I started thinking about how often I find myself giggling at some other woman's expense...or judging them, and quite often, I find myself being joined in by friends. Maybe we are all mean girls?
Just when I was contemplating what a sinful person I am and how hurtful and just plain mean I can be, Beth said something that eased my soul a little. She said that mean girls will never admit that they were mean.
So here I am...admitting that sometimes I am a mean girl--even when I don't mean to be--so that hopefully, I won't be that mean girl. I am praying for God to make me aware of these times when I want to giggle at someone, or throw up because of the inappropriate way they are dressed, or talk about them, or judge them and change my heart so that I won't be a mean girl anymore.
And to make all the rest of you that worry about your clothing size and body image feel better....Beth also made sure to remind us that our only measurements are taken at the cross of Christ and NO WHERE ELSE. So take that....