Thursday, January 28, 2010

It Happens to the Best of Us

You've been there before....

You're out running errands, or at a theme park (cough, cough, Disney), or maybe even at church and you feel the sudden cramps and then you hear the gurgle, gurgle noise of your stomach. You squeeze your butt cheeks together and start praying, "Dear Lord, PUH-LEASE, not here." Before you know it, your only option is to run (as subtly as possible) to the nearest bathroom and hope no other person is in there.

Don't even play! You know it has happened to you before.

It happens to me a lot more than I'd like to admit. Or tell people. Or mention in this blog.

I've been at....
  • Target
  • church
  • dinner (out-to-eat)
  • Lowe's
  • Disney
  • a mall
  • school
  • football games
  • in the car driving
  • the doctor's office
  • Walmart
  • Mom's group
  • A friend's house
  • the Grocery store
when it hit. Every once in a while I make it out before I reach the point of internal explosion. Most of the time, I don't.

Yep, it is likely I was that person that "ruined" the bathroom. I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. My digestive system HATES me. Seriously.

I decided to write this to help you out when you find yourself in that situation. In order to do that, I've compiled a list of things you should always keep in your purse:
  1. a small box of matches (light one, throw it in the toilet, it immediately removes the smell)
  2. body spray (you know...for the smell--in case you forgot your matches)
  3. something to read to take your mind off it (I have books on my precious, precious iPhone)
  4. Immodium AD (at least two should take care of the problem)
Other tips:
  • flush as often as possible to eliminate as much smell as possible
  • go in the largest bathroom if possible
  • if you get in the handicap bathroom, run the water in the covers the sound.
  • wipe a lot. each time you flush in fact
  • never let on that it was YOU who made the disturbance

The end.


w said...

why do you think i have an rv?

Much More Than Mommy said...

It can also happen as you're picking up your daughter from a friend's house, and you have to go in her house and borrow her potty. And then her tub. And then a pair of her panties. (That you don't give back. Just buy her new ones.)

And it's a little secret between the two of you until you share it in a comment on another friend's blog.

Kearsie said...

It sucks worse at work. Because the ratio of who did it narrows a lot.

A lot.

Especially when you open the door and there's someone waiting to use the bathroom.

And that person wrinkles their nose in disgust upon crossing bathroom threshold.

honesteagurl said...

using the matches idea. thank you.

Dee Crowe said...

This post alone made me follow your blog..I love it...and your honesty is refreshing! It happens to me too....I can't even be delicate about it anymore..when it strikes, I'm afraid everyone knows about it