Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Honestly Me

As teenage girls, young women, moms, mother-in-laws, etc. we try to be the person we think we should be. Not all of us struggle with it, but I'd be willing to bet that most of us do.

For me, it has always been that I find people around me and try to do what they do to make myself more likable. I join a group, shop at a certain store, cut my hair a certain way, STARVE myself to be as thin as them, etc. For what? Why do we do things that like? Why does it matter if people like us for things that aren't even real?

I certainly don't think it is wrong to try and improve yourself by doing things like updating your wardrobe, eating healthier, reading a new book, but why do we let it get out of hand? It goes from updating to copying to wishing we were as cool as or as cute as or as _________ as someone else.

BE WHO YOU ARE. God made us to be the people we are. He gave us our personalities, our likes and dislikes, our curves, and even our extra skin (ok MAYBE all the pasta helped with that last one).

In an effort to stop trying to be as funny as Winn, as skinny and trendy as my sis-in-law, and as good a writer as Nessa Friend, I'm going to lay it all out on the table. Honesty at its finest.

  • I used to be super skinny and was proud of it. Now I'm not as skinny as I once was and occasionally, that upsets me.
  • I wear my hair in a ponytail all the time because it keeps it out of my face and takes less work, which leads to the next one...
  • I'm lazy.
  • I'm compulsive. I'm compulsive about several things (picking up toys, things being exactly how they should be, schedules, plans, etc.). I physically cannot handle those things not being the way I think they should be. Which causes...
  • Panic. I panic all the time. Over stupid stuff but it happens.
  • I watch the Disney channel and I like it!
  • I like to sit around in my pajamas all day.
  • I currently weigh 130 pounds. When I started counting calories in November, I weighed 140 pounds. You can't tell that I've lost weight but I know it. I'm down a pants size and I'm a little more confident. I still have some work to do (another 5 pounds and some serious toning) but I'm working on it, so stop looking at me like I'm chubby.
  • I like cutesy stuff. I like things that match. I like cutesy matchy things. Bite me.
  • I'm terrible at keeping my eyebrows "maintained" because they are a lighter shade of brown and I can't see them in my mirror.
  • I have dreams about my teeth literally falling out of my mouth and into my hands. Weird, I know.
  • I want a lot of things, but that doesn't mean it is going to happen. I want my house to look like you've walked into a page of Southern Living Magazine. I want a front loader washer and dryer that don't live in my garage. I want a Honda Oddessy minivan. I want another bedroom in my house and to have less useless junk. I want a new couch.
  • I'm slightly obsessive about my child's clothes, not because I want her to be the best dressed kid or because other people expect it but because it matters to me. It matters to me what I dress her in. It matters to me what people think when they look at my daughter. It is a priority. It isn't one to everyone else and shouldn't have to be, but don't hate on me because I know how to dress my kid.
  • I want another baby. No seriously, I do. But, I don't want to have just gotten my body back to how it should be to get all fat and pukish again.
  • Most of our dinners are microwaved or come frozen in a bag with everything in it.
  • I'm not the world's greatest anything, and I'm ok with that.
  • Home baked cookies are my weakness. Keep them AWAY.
  • I think my husband is extremely HOT. Always have.
  • I am a people pleaser. I do whatever it takes to make other people happy. I also have a need to want everyone to like me. I'm beginning to get over that last one.
  • People take advantage of me. I'm not stupid and I know they do it/are doing it. I'm just a nice person so I go along with it.
I'm weird, compulsive, and still a smidge chubby. I still get acne and like to take naps. I'm a homebody. I like to watch stupid tv. I hate American Idol. I'm just me--a good ol southern girl that lives in the middle of Florida.

Who are you really?


honesteagurl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
habecker said...

i love YOU! as in the YOU you just posted about bullet-point style... LOVE. YOU.

Rachel said...

And I love you...dork. :) You're the best sis-in-law ever!

Lacey said...

Thanks for this Carrie! I feel like that all the time and I really needed to hear that. I'm glad I'm not the only one who still feels "chubby" (even though you're not a bit chubby!) or the only one who is completely obsessive about toys/schedules/etc. and what my baby girl wears! You are not alone friend! Love you!

ladymundie said...

you're not alone!

Joy said...

thanks Carrie! this was beautiful and encouraging! i thought i was the only one who dreamt about my teeth falling out :)

Melanie said...

Thank you for your honestly! I LOVE reading your blog; it makes me feel normal. :)