Monday, June 8, 2009

Are You Going to Have Another?

I must have a sign stuck to my forehead that reads, "Ask me when I'm going to have another baby." I must. I can't see it when I look in the mirror, but surely, it must be there.

I swear it seems like everywhere I go someone is asking me if I want another one, when I'll have another one, or better yet, why am I not already pregnant again. SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?

While I'm sure most of you could care less when I'm going to have another baby, I need somewhere to vent. I need to make SOMEONE understand. So let's talk about it.

NO, I do not plan to have another baby anytime soon.

[Why?] Because I don't want to. (Which should be reason enough, but it seems, it isn't.)

[Why?] For multiple reasons:
  1. My child is only 18 months old. She is still a baby to me. I want to cherish this time with her. Not spend it puking.
  2. I am not ready to be pregnant again. I'm not ready for the puking. I'm not ready for the hunger. I'm not ready for the heartburn. I'm not ready for the fatness or not being able to get comfortable. YES, I know it will *likely* be different the next go-around. Don't care.
  3. My sister is 20 weeks pregnant. I want her to be able to enjoy this time. I want her to have her chance to shine and be in the spotlight. I want her to be able to enjoy all that motherhood offers without me taking away from any of that.
  4. I have a very difficult time imagining how we could feasibly pay for another child right now. And please don't tell me, "if we can do it, anyone can."
  5. I want a minivan. With rear air conditioning. I can't stand the idea of yet another child sweating to death in the back of my hot, black car.
  6. I'm starting a new job! A job that I intend to have for at least a couple of years. A job that will take a vast amount of my attention. My dream job.
  7. I'm also still waiting to find out if I'll be teaching again in the fall. Let's be real, starting a cheer program from scratch and teaching isn't really the best time to have another baby.
Some people dismiss the idea of another baby because they don't want to start all over. The idea of an infant scares them. Not me. That's not my issue. I don't mind the endless feedings and sleepless nights.

It is the fact that I can't imagine taking care of two children all the time. I'm still trying to teach Ansleigh so much. She's at the age where she's doing something new everyday but she's still a baby in my eyes. My baby. I'm not ready to move her out of that position and replace her. I'm not ready to add to our family. Most importantly, I do not have a peace about having another child any time soon. I don't feel like that's what God wants for us. I've prayed about it. I'll continue to pray about it.

I love hearing the positives and negatives of having kids close together and also having them several years apart. Different things work for different families. Maybe later on I will regret not having my children closer together. Right now, I look forward to it. I look forward to my Buggy being able to help me. To be at an age where she really understands what's going on. To be potty trained.

I rushed myself to have Ansleigh. I wanted a baby so badly that I just couldn't fathom waiting any longer. I don't want to rush this next one. I want the next baby to be completely God's timing. Not mine. If God intends for me to have another baby sooner than I plan, it will happen.

I'm not in a rush. Neither is Anthony. If we aren't in a rush, shouldn't everyone just chill out? It's not like I'm approaching the age where I'll be too old to have another one. I have plenty of time!!!!!! Plenty! Like...10 years! Back off.

I know that most people don't mean anything by it, asking me about another baby. Sometimes people are just nosy. Sometimes people are just looking for a topic of conversation. Sometimes people want to force their ideas upon you. Whatever the reason, it doesn't really matter. The fact is that until we're ready to have more kids, we aren't going to. Point. Blank. The end.

Oh, and if I've ever been that person, the one harping on you about having another baby, I APOLOGIZE. Honestly, it was probably just a mixture of curiosity and need to continue a conversation that provoked me.

1 comment:

Rachel said...

So when ARE you gonna have another baby? :)