Sunday, April 3, 2011

Long Time, No See

I know it has been quite some time since I've posted. In the past year, my world has changed dramatically. In February of last year, I was a stay-at-home mom and community coach. I had all the time in the world to blog, and usually wrote during nap time or late at night once everyone else had gone to bed.

Now I teach 8 hours a day, coach for who knows how many hours a day, and mommy all the rest of the day/night. Most nights I fall asleep on the couch shortly after Ansleigh goes to bed and then crawl into my own bed.

I love my job. Even more, I love the kids I teach. But sometimes, I wish I had a little more time to just be me. A little more time to be Ansleigh's mommy. A little more time to be a good wife to Anthony instead of a partially non-existent wife.

I work...a lot. When I'm not working, I'm playing princesses with Ansleigh or helping her with her homework (!?!?! I can't believe a 3-year-old has homework!?!?!), or walking around Target with her. When I'm not doing that, I'm not really doing anything because I'm tired. My life makes me tired. Do you ever feel that way?

Right now I'm more refreshed than I have been in a while since this past week was Spring Break. Having a week at home reminded me of what life used to be like. Some days I wanted to scream from boredom, other days I had mile-long to-do lists (that didn't get done), but mostly I found myself reflecting.

I miss my old friends that I hardly see anymore. I love my new friends. I miss being able to "grab lunch" with someone. I love eating lunch with the people I eat with now. I hate that my job prevents Ansleigh from doing a lot of things I'd like for her to do. I love that I make a difference in other people's lives.

Before I had Ansleigh, I was busy-teacher-wife-lady. I had tons of friends, wore cute clothes, hung out (not in the house) with other people. I had a pretty fun life. Then, I had Ansleigh and for a long time, I forgot how to be a person other than a mommy. I finally started getting myself back to someone who was fun and then I got a job. Instantly I morphed back into busy-teacher-wife-lady except now I had to add mommy into that.

Do I want to quit my job? NO WAY. But I do want to get back to a few things that make me who I am. I want to start writing again. I used to be funny (or so I was told). I used to use Twitter quite often. I used to spend more time with the girls. I'm working on that. I'm even beginning to cook more than once a week....GASP.

I'm learning that laundry sometimes piles up, spring cleaning doesn't always get done, sometimes God calls us to lead busy lives, but that doesn't mean that we are called to lose ourselves or our friends. Please keep me in your prayers as I try to figure out how God is leading me to merge these two lifestyles into one semi-normal person.

And hopefully, I have some more to write about soon :)

1 comment:

Ericka B. Jackson said...

Love this blog friend! And AMEN to "finding yourself". I don't think you're supposed to lose yourself either.... though sometimes we much change and "adapt" - our identity is still our identity and we are who God made us to be!

I'm not a mom yet but I do understand in some in a different culture up north with no friends my age or in my season of life has made it hard to find a place of "normalcy". Relationships are an important part of our lives - we should all find places and people who let us be who we are (and the time to remember who it is that we are :) Praying God makes a way for you - though I'm sure you're still a great mommy and wife and friend even when you're busy!