Friendship

Lately, I’ve been reading the writings of John. This all started because I’ve never read Revelation before…it scares me and I’m afraid I just won’t understand. Anyway, I knew I needed to but I just couldn’t start there so I started with 1 John…he wrote Revelation anyway.

As I was reading 1 John 4, I read the verse, “No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us” (verse 12). After reading this, I looked at the commentary (I was reading my Life Application Bible) and it said, “Some people enjoy being with others. They make friends with strangers easily and are always surrounded by many friends. Other people are shy or reserved. They have a few friends, but are uncomfortable talking with people they don’t know or mingling in crowds….John isn’t telling us how many people to love, but how much to love the people we already know. Our job is to love faithfully the people God has given us to love whether there are two or two hundred of them. If God sees that we are ready to love others, He will bring them to us.”

This got me to thinking. I know some people (mostly people from Alabama) see me as the first type of person…the one who is a social butterfly, but those people who REALLY know me know I am much more the second kind of person. I hate doing group things with people I don’t know. I always feel awkward and talk too much and often say inappropriate things or things people really just don’t want to know about me. People make me uncomfortable.

The part that really got to me though is the part I have bolded. When God sees we are ready to love others, He brings them to us! In my case, he brought me to them.

This time last year, I was in a very strange place. We had just moved hours and hours away from friends and family and I was pregnant and sick as can be! I stayed trapped in our house and barely communicated with anyone. I was desperately clinging to the friendships I had and honestly, was not interested in new ones.

I think God knew that when we first moved, I just wasn’t ready to let go of what was mine, what I loved so dearly. At the same time, many (not all) of the friends we had in Auburn, were not and still are not at the same place in their lives as we are now. Not that it needs to be said, but God is smart. So much smarter than me! I came here basically kicking and screaming and now, I don’t feel that way. I’m almost happy to be here.

As time progressed, God healed my heart and showed me the ones I still needed to hang on to, but more importantly, that I was ready to love again. God did a little “summer-fall-winter cleaning” in my heart to make room for some truly amazing ladies!

The definition (at least the one in my Bible) of a friend is, “intimate companion or associate; one attached to another by affection or esteem.”

Proverbs 13:20 says, “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” We ALL know that we have to choose our friends wisely. This case has been no different. God is still watching me exercise my free will by whom I am choosing as my friends. He put a variety of people in my life and all of them have something wonderful to offer. The commentary in my Bible says this, “Our friends and associates affect us, sometimes profoundly. Be careful who you choose as your closest friends. Spend time with people you want to be like—because you and your friends will surely grow to resemble each other.”

I want to be able to enjoy the good parts of all the people God has placed in my life, but I’m starting to realize that I need to be spending more time with some people, the ones I want to be like, and less time with others.

No matter where you live or what your age is, for women, gossiping is difficult to escape. So are negative attitudes. Have you ever noticed when you are around people who gossip or are just negative all the time, you tend to be that way too? Maybe you are better at it than me, but I have a HARD time avoiding this.

Proverbs 18:8 says, “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts.” Lately, I’ve been finding this so true! I hear something about someone else I know and then, it is all I can think about. It is becoming more and more difficult to form my own opinions about people when I’m constantly hearing things about everyone!

God is such a blessing though and has given me the wonderful gift of some Godly women to be around. James was right when he said, “Every good and perfect gift is from above...” There are a few people that I’ve really started paying close attention to, and no matter what I’ve heard others say about them, I have yet to hear something negative about anyone come out of their mouths!

When I was growing up, especially in high school, I thought what was important was the quantity of friends you have, not the quality of friendships. Boy was I wrong! We all need at least one true friend, one who sticks closer than a brother. I’ve was so blessed to have a few amazing girls who were that for me in high school, and then a few more in college. Since we’ve moved here, I’ve been praying for that “true” friend. The person you can call at 3 am when your contractions aren’t going away and your husband is at work. The person you can call and say, “I broke my tooth and can’t take the baby with me to the dentist. Help!?” The person who notices you weren’t at church and calls to check on you. The person(s) who send you the funniest flair that is perfect and they know and you know you can’t post it, but you appreciate it all the same!

God has revealed to me lately that I have a few of these relationships that are growing into “true” friendship and I am so grateful for that.

In the meantime, I have Him. :o)

The sacrifices Mommies make....

Mommies make all kinds of sacrifices for their children.

They buy their kids things and do without, they feed their kids first and rarely get a warm meal, you get the picture...

Some moms make sacrifices that other moms don't. Some moms sacrifice staying at home and work to keep up with all the bills. Other moms, like me, sacrifice working to stay at home with their children because it is the best thing for their family.

Moms are these amazing people that you truly don't quite grasp until you become one.

I've been thinking about mothers lately with Mother's Day coming up and the things mothers do that often go unnoticed. Little things that nobody notices until they are all of a sudden not done.

Last week, I thought I was making a sacrifice, not really for my family, but more for my mental health. And in a way, I did. I spent hours at Central Middle School for cheer tryouts which was a blast but also exhausting.

During the days, I still had all my regular things to do plus a few extra. Instead, Ansleigh and I mostly napped last week (during the day) and all of my stuff I needed to do went undone.

My sacrifice was not noble. My sacrifice wasn't even motherly. I sacrificed my home duties for sleep and fun and you know what....

It was worth every minute of it! :o)

Yes, I'll have to do all that stuff and then some this week, but who cares? For a week, I had a life outside of this house. The laundry, dishes, dust, and grocery shopping will all still be here waiting for me and I'd be doing it again this week even if I had done it last week. I took naps, played with my kid, ate out EVERY NIGHT, and spent time being myself again.

I'm slowly but surely merging who I used to be with the new mommy side of me.

This weekend, Mommy's heart isn't guilty, but proud. :o)

Ouch...

Yesterday, Carrie & Faith Mace were sweet enough to watch Ansleigh for me while I ran a few errands. While I was out and about, I made a pit-stop into a children's boutique (it actually was one of my errands).

I walked in and began looking around when the well-meaning sales woman walked up to me and asked me when I was due.

Yes, you read that correctly. Now I realize that I am not a size two anymore but SERIOUSLY????

I know she meant well, but I pretty much wanted to crawl in a hole and die. It seems like I've been losing the baby weight but maybe not.

Do I really still look pregnant?

Needless to say, I told her I had a baby 4 months ago, and that I was shopping for a friend. The poor girl stalked me around the store for 20 minutes trying to show me EVERYTHING I could buy. She was a sweet lady and really was just trying to help, but before it was over with, I really wanted to strangle her!

Mommy's heart is wounded.

A day of selfishness

Today after church, I should have brought Ansleigh home, fed her, and let her get a good nap (because I'm pretty sure she didn't take one in the nursery this morning) but I didn't. I didn't want to. I wanted to go eat with the Moore's and the Lepper's...so I did.

When we left from there, Ansleigh was tired and fussy and instead of going home like a good mother (one who puts her children first) would have done, I drove to the Melbourne Art Festival and walked Ansleigh around in the hot sun for about 3 hours with Carrie, Faith, Vanessa, & Grace.

I don't know that it really matters that I had a day of selfishness, but in a way, I have mixed emotions about it. I've been struggling so much lately to get back to who I really am (someone who once had some resemblance of a life) that I saw opportunities and took them--no matter what I should have been doing.

I wanted a day out. I wanted to spend time with friends. I wanted to feel like I live here and belong here. I, I, I....

Anthony spent the afternoon at the Riley's (with his friends) watching a race and I just wanted that too...except not racing. Ew.

The thing is, Ansleigh did GREAT! She giggled and smiled and was a real trooper. When we got home, she ate her dinner and took a three hour nap, took her last bottle, smiled, and went right back to sleep. No foul, no harm done.

I'd like to think that this is the last time my selfishness will take over, but will it really be? How many more times will I do what I want instead of what is more important for our family just because I want to?

My question

Basically all my life I've been a pretty busy person, even when I was just a child. Then it was school, tap, jazz, ballet, gymnastics, cheerleading, church, and sleepovers at Mimi's.

In High School it was practice, games, pep rallies, proms, pageants, club meetings, and a school newspaper to publish.

I actually remember looking forward to college because I'd finally get some rest.

College came and went with classes, BCM, part-time jobs, outings or sometimes just staying in with friends, and always, always something going on.

Graduation came and went and with it came my first teaching job. Of course, me being the person that I am (someone who CANNOT say no), was involved in everything. Before I knew it, I was killing myself trying to coach basketball, and have awesome lesson plans, and always keep my papers graded. I would leave my house most days at 5:45 am and not get home until 10 or 11 and then there was dinner and a shower, and sometimes, even a tv show.

Now, I am still busy, but it is a different kind of busyness. It is a boring, stay in the house, kind of busy...if that makes sense. I'm not saying that what I do isn't meaningful...if it wasn't, I wouldn't be doing it...but it is different. Now I spend my days doing laundry, washing bottles, (sometimes) planning dinner, and playing with Ansleigh.

I am in constant conflict with myself.

I love my daughter. I love having this time that I'll never have again with her. I love that she knows who Mommy is. I love that I'm the one who watches her make new discoveries every day.

I hate being stuck inside my house all day long. I dislike not feeling like I'm contributing to society. I am not a fan of not having a paycheck of my own.

I enjoy that if I need/want to, I can take a nap.

I hate daytime tv.

I love that God provides me with time to spend time in the Word where it isn't forced like it was when I was teaching.

I struggle with wanting to go back to teaching now and wanting to still stay at home.

In the past, I always reminded myself (and it was a struggle!) to just be still and know that He is God. Now, I feel like if I am still any longer, I will become a statue.

So here is my question:
How do you be a stay-at-home mom with a purpose and a life?


I'm fighting to remember who I was before I moved and became a mommy and I'm struggling to see how that person fits in with being a mommy.

Because sometimes my brain won't turn off...

Why did I create another blog? Because sometimes my brain won't turn off...or maybe it is my heart that won't turn off and it keeps bugging my brain. Either way, I feel like I need a place that is all my own; a place where I can think and reflect; a place that isn't family-specific.

So here it is....Mommy's heart--a live version of that madness that resides in me.

I want this to be not only a place where I can just think and be, but also a place to share my inner struggles, prayers, requests, cries out to God, and what the Lord is teaching me. I guess the key word in that sentence would be "me." Is that selfish?

Some of my "new" friends gently tease me about blogging all the time, but this is something I need in my life right now and something I enjoy.

Keep up if you want, don't if you don't want to but know, that this is my heart.